Time for Change

It's been two months since my last post & there isn't really much on the 'outside' that has changed - but there's been a whole lot of 'inside stuff' happening for me. I'm not sure I have the right words to explain where I am, but I'll do my best. :)

I'm 35 & finally reaching a point in life where I can be patient with others, and most importantly - myself. Maybe I finally wore myself out enough that I'm starting to grow up at little? I don't know. But I do know this...for almost a year now I've taken a look at me & the things I've done to people (intentional or not), the choices I've made, and the way all this has made me feel. What the hell does someone do with all of that? Well, for me, I just do my best to work on what's right in front of me at any given moment. One of the hardest parts of this whole recovery thing has been to be patient with myself & accept the fact that I'm going to screw up. No matter what.

For years I've worked toward having the 'things' that I saw other people with & assumed they found happiness with. Now I am getting the opportunity to teach my kids while I remind myself that it isn't about the 'things' in life. We have had a decent amount of 'things' in the past & over the past two years we have had to learn to make choices about how we'd spend the money we had to work with for those things. Along the way, I shared some real world stuff with the kids about how much money things cost & what we had to work with personally. At times those two kiddos were the best reminder in the world for me to be grateful for what we had; and to look around at others doing without.

Now that we have our heads above water, life isn't easy but it is good. My daughter is fifteen and my son is twelve, and those two have taught me more than I ever imagined possible. Most of the time they don't even know it. Every now & then I let them know, but for the most part I am already dumb enough to them so I let it rest.

As far as 'outside stuff': I'm going back to school this Fall!!! It's been a hot minute since I have been in school and although I have some fear about going, I am extremely excited! It's one of the top 10 new media schools in the country and I can't wait to get to know other students & have a network of people to share thoughts & ideas with.

Enough rambling for now...